Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said
by delta-foxtrotwrites
Summary: actually titled 'Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said The Last Time We Spoke' oneshot/scene request. Blair confronts Dan the day following the release of 'Inside'


**Author's note: **Here is another oneshot/scene request; the prompt this time around was 'confrontation between Dan and Blair about Inside.' This is what I managed to come up with, its relatively quaint and I'm sure one could argue that Blair could afford to be in a worse mood as a result of the publication of the details of her private life etc etc This is merely my take and I'm interested to see how they handle the situation in the forthcoming season of Gossip Girl. Remember, if you trust in me to do justice to your ideas I am taking requests predominantly on my tumblr page, (dressmyselffortwo) but if you dont have a tumblr page (get one and) I will still take your requests through reviews or private messages.

**Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said The Last Time We Spoke**

Clutching a substantially sized three hundred and twenty seven paged novel in her slender fingers Blair Waldorf climbed the stairs leading to the loft in her teetering and precariously tall heels with a vigour unparalleled to that of any past efforts. Per her normal routine Blair did not knock and wait to be granted entrance to the modestly sized space and bustled in without warning to find a tired looking Dan Humphrey sitting at the counter nursing a cup of coffee and holding the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

The abrupt arrival of the brunette drew Dan's gaze to the door, immediately spying the book in her grasp and with a silent sigh and a wary look in his eyes he waited for the onslaught Blair was no doubt here to deliver him. He turned in his seat, abandoning his cup of coffee on the counter top while he faced her. He had known it was a matter of time, but the dread that had settled in his stomach the day before when the book had hit shelves had not lessened over time.

Dan swallowed awkwardly around the lump that had formed in his throat, intending on saying something, but as soon as his mouth opened Blair held her hand up and cut him off. "Don't say anything."

Obligingly Dan's mouth closed, and if he wasn't riddled with apprehension he knew he would have smiled at the familiar way that Blair asserted her dominance in the situation. It was needless for Dan to remind himself that this situation begged a touch more seriousness, which was not inclusive to laughter or amusement of any sort. Until he knew where Blair's reaction fell, and he was sure it couldn't be good, acting anything but stoic was out of the question.

"You wrote this" Blair's words came out in a statement while she held up the book accusingly.

Dan would by lying if he said that there wasn't a brief fraction of time in which saying 'no' held its appeal, but, taking in a deep breath and breaking eye contact he tirelessly dragged his fingers through his hair. Unfortunately "yes."

"Do you know what position this book has put me in?" Blair demanded suddenly, walking over to where Dan stood with an air of authority, slamming the book down beside his cup of coffee. The brown liquid sloshed around in the cup, threatening to spill over due to the weight of the book's impact and Dan's expression became puzzled before Blair promptly launched into explanation.

"You have aired dirty laundry that wasn't yours to air, sacrificed my position as the future princess of Monaco, not to mention my role as Serena's best friend" Blair threw out, her voice gaining volume. "The whole world is at liberty to read about intimate details of my private life, as if it wasn't bad enough that Serena sent gossip girl posts to Louis's mother!" she fumed, "can you even begin to imagine what this means for me? If it wasn't for the fact that you used thinly veiled pseudonyms for us all I could sue you for never asking me for public release."

"_I_ didn't ask for any kind of release" Dan interjected. His frustrations with Vanessa had yet to be vented but were quickly coming to a head. He hadn't told anyone that she had stolen his manuscript, hoping against all right and reason that the fact that it had shortly disappeared once she had found it was merely coincidence and nothing would come of it. It had been a naïve hope, Dan would be the first to admit, but the fact that Vanessa had not only invaded his privacy, but stolen his work and submitted it to publishing was a concept he was still struggling to wrap his head around, despite the evidence over the past year that provided as testament to how vastly she had changed.

The words that Dan had offered caught Blair's attention and she paused, on the brink of continuing her anger induced rant. Her mouth closed, lips pursing and her eyes narrowing pointedly while her hands fell to her hips. "What do you mean you didn't ask for any kind of release, books don't just publish themselves Humphrey" she remarked flippantly, though the slightest undertone of hopefulness was audible in her words.

When she had first stumbled upon an excerpt from the 'Inside' Blair had considered the satire for a split second before dismissing it entirely as just a case of someone writing about something they clearly had no understanding of in order to gain recognition as a writer and media attention. Upon further prompting the parallels had been impossible to miss and Blair had easily come to the conclusion that this was the workings of Dan Humphrey.

The idea that he would publish something so incriminating about his friends and family though? That was a concept Blair found unfathomable. Dan wasn't motivated by money or status, what was there for him to gain by allowing a novel of this content to see the light of day? It had baffled Blair to the point of being dubious, though she saw no other logical explanation that validated her doubts.

"Vanessa" Dan said by way of explanation, rubbing his temples in a stressed manner. "She found my manuscript, it's been gone ever since then and I don't know where is. Trust me Blair, please; I never had any intention of publishing this book. I mean honestly, do you think I would jeopardize my relationship with my family, with Serena and Nate, with you" he emphasised, "by publishing something like this?"

"I think you jeopardized your relationships just by writing something like this" Blair stated calmly, the relief she had expected to be granted with in knowing that Dan had not purposely set out to publish the novel not as plentiful as she would have hoped and leaving her somewhat disappointed because of it. "Serena is furious and I wouldn't say Nate is particularly thrilled either."

Blair was right of course, and it wasn't as if Dan had anticipated that things would turn out differently. Vanessa had said it herself, however perversely, that the character depictions were not exactly shining examples of his peers. It was natural that the reception his book would generate amongst them would not exactly be stellar and enthusiastic. Dan blamed neither Serena nor Nate for their reactions, and Blair's outburst certainly wasn't unfounded, though with her anger having fallen to the wayside it was difficult for him to truly distinguish how she felt.

One could beg to reason that her having bothered to come out here just to yell at him spoke volumes of how she felt in regard to the words he had written. But when it came to Blair it was not only a matter of what she thought of the fact that he had published a novel depicting the lives of those around him, but also what she thought of the things that comprised the conclusion, and the way he had portrayed her and himself in relation to her. Towards the end of the book Dan's admiration of the person Blair had become was obvious, and the fact that he had gradually grown to be enamoured with her was not as subtle as reading between the lines.

"Right" Blair asserted unexpectedly, reaching for her copy of Inside and flipping it onto its front so she could flip through the pages from the back. "I only have one question" she said, Dan watching while her eyes glossed over the words that her finger carefully followed in pursuit of whatever fraction it was that she was curious about. Dan already had a fair idea which part Blair was searching for and so, ignoring the urge he had to chuckle to himself, he supplied her with the answer she sought. "Yes" he said firmly, "I meant it."

Halting in her actions immediately Blair's head whipped around to address him. "You don't know what my question is" she argued quietly, unsure of how she felt about his admission.

Dan looked at her imploringly, "Blair" saying her name like a warning, he encouraged her to tell him that he was wrong and presumptuous, but Blair did neither and so Dan pushed on.

"Beth, in a way that was surprisingly not surprising at all, had grown to be vastly different from what I had originally perceived her to be" Dan spoke, reciting the words he had debated over several times while writing. "While I had always fallen effortlessly for Sabrina's charm it was Beth, with her understated beauty and clever wit that tortured me by proving herself to be far more desirable and unattainable than Sabrina had ever been" he concluded, his gaze falling from Blair to the counter before reverting back.

"Look Blair, I don't expect anything" Dan enforced, hoping she didn't feel any sort of pressure to respond. The last thing he expected was for this scenario to wind up with Blair having fallen into his arms. Dan wasn't that much of a dreamer that he could delude himself into believing that to be a possibility.

"So you shouldn't" Blair said her voice clipped, still trying to process the reality that was settling in and still staring uselessly at the pages before her. Coming to some sort of understanding within herself Blair looked up to Dan and noisily let a breath escape her in anticipation of the words she was about to say.

"I'm not going to be the princess of Monaco" Blair told him, no hint of sadness, and no trace of anger at all evident in her words. "Between Serena's speculations and this book Louis's doubts resurfaced long enough for me to come to the conclusion that while I never lied to him when I said that there was nothing going on with us I never told the truth either" she explained offhandedly.

"I've entertained the idea of you and I, and I tried to ignore it, even going as far as throwing myself back into Chuck's arms to escape having to deal with it" she laughed cynically and rolled her eyes at the absurdity of it in retrospect. She had done everything short of actually marrying Louis to avoid coming to a conclusion that was still remaining elusive and uncertain and Blair was mostly confident terrified her.

The extent of what she felt for Dan at this point was debatable however, but Blair knew it to be enough that it was problematic and was coming between her relationship with Louis, with Chuck, and with Serena for that matter so much so that she had to figure out where she stood on the subject before she could really make any sort of decision.

Presuming that her feelings were more inclined to that of a romantic nature was reliant on the basis that despite her efforts on the contrary Blair had missed him while she was in Monaco and the curiosity she had surrounding what it might be like to be with Dan was quickly growing to be insatiable. Blair also considered the fact that her increased curiosity could be derived from the confession Dan had detailed in his book serving as a trigger and that left her feeling as though her feelings for him were invalidated until proven otherwise.

Blair had argued it every which way and come to no solid conclusion that she could stand by wholeheartedly and confident. On the one hand she had called off her engagement with Louis because knowing that Dan felt the way he did changed things, and this had been done before she had garnered any sort of clarification. On the other hand Blair considered it to be far wiser of her, and for each of them in any respect, to firmly establish how she felt about him before proposing any sort of exchange between them that exceeded the friendly approach they regarded one another with now. The whole thing honestly left Blair reeling and feeling no closer to working things out then she had been when she started trying to and stopped trying to ignore it.

Heaving a sigh at the flurry of thoughts that chased one another through her head Blair cleared her throat, knowing that being here with Dan wasn't helping her think clearly. "It seems that despite my efforts to ignore my conflicted feelings surrounding you" Blair ventured with obvious chagrin coloring her features while she looked up at Dan, "that I am dangerously curious about the potential there seems to be, but you still shouldn't expect anything" she fastly reinforced reconsidering for a moment only to add, "though that doesn't mean to say that you should expect nothing, either. All this means at the moment is that I'm not marrying Louis" Blair clarified, the way she looked at Dan holding no promise of what was to come or any sort of hint as to what way she could be leaning more towards.

"I need time to myself to establish how I feel about… everything" Blair concluded, picking up the book and taking a step back in preparation of her departure and eliciting a nod in response from Dan who was still processing what Blair's words were truly suggesting.

Smiling tentatively at her Dan's fingers curled around his cup of coffee, "and I need to get ready to do some serious grovelling and explaining."

Exchanging a single nod and smile between them Blair turned on her heel and exited the loft closing the heavy door behind her as if the entire conversation they had just had and the silent understanding they had come to was no more consequential than her stopping by to tell him she was back in town.

* * *

><p>thank you to everyone who reads the things I post here, I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time out of your day to read my musings.<p> 


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